you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
