Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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