and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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