Me. At least after what I've been through.
I skipped work to stalk him.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
