I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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