I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize