I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize