Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my being single is dangerous.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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