are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The uberlube is also flammable
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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