Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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