I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize