are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize