the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Someone came in the potted fern
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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