so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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