i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize