idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
