i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i out mim tonsoeep
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