Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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