I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
