My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
