She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
