I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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