I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
