you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Terrible idea I love it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
