Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize