I will die if light touches me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
