He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
