1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
