so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Never joke about your clitoris.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
