and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
