I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize