Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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