just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
