i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
How external is "for external use only"?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
