she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so let's talk penis.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
