oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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