I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
