Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
