hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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