if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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