this beer tastes like vomit already
where does the pee come out of this thing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
