She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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