...so i touched it.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
