What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize