I wish I could punch you in the face.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
