dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
a search helicopter?!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
