i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
