remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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