just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
