ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
