That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
