wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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