i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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