She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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