he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
