trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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