The police scanner is talking about you again....
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize