I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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