He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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