i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
