Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
