the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
