i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
