we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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